President announces compromise on oil

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Joe Notrump has approved a compromise in the dispute over GasboggleFillip’s huge Wallop oil drilling project on Alaska’s North Slope.

The compromise was contained in an order from the Inferior Department that was not signed by Secretary Dumdum Halfhand but by the department’s Second Deputy Janitor, who once saw a film set in Alaska.

Under the order, drilling for oil on federal land in the Arctic Ocean will be banned wherever oil companies have decided that drilling is not worth the cost. New wells will be permitted only in areas where the companies have determined that they want to drill.

A statement released by GasboggleFillip called the order “the right decision at the right time. We need to start drilling on the North Slope quickly, before rising sea levels raise the cost of new drilling platforms.”

The company added that rejection of drilling on several of its less attractive lease holdings will not harm the corporation’s share price, because the cost of the leases will be fully deductible from its taxes.

Analysts noted that the territories where drilling is now either banned or permitted are not fixed, as the boundaries between them could shift if there are changes in the size of federal subsidies for fossil fuel production.

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