President replaces What’s-his-name three days early

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – In a surprise move to many sleepers, on July 28 President Ronald Dump obtained the resignation of his White House Chief of Stuff, Rancid Preprandial.

The resignation came a full three days before the normal monthly turnover of staff in the Dump Administration, leading to speculation that Preprandial, although not having been observed doing anything at all during his term of office, had done something that annoyed the President. Or that the President couldn’t remember who Preprandial was and thought he was firing someone else.

As Preprandial departed the White House, the President thanked him for his work and support, saying, “What’s-his-name has done a great job at his job or whatever.” The President then gestured to White House staff to insert a small pillow between the pole and Preprandial’s buttocks, and not to throw any more feathers. “And he’s not really a fucking paranoid schizophrenic,” the President added. “I think. In quotes.”

Preprandial’s replacement as Chief of Stuff is former General Long John Generations, who is able to leave his previous position as Secretary of the Department of Hellfire and Surveillance after the successful completion of the border wall with Mexico, Canada, California and Islam.

Generations, who insiders report is still addressed as “General” by President Dump – a practice that some say could well continue until Generations’ rotation to wherever at the end of August – may have been brought into the White House because he was considered a counter-balance to Toney Scaramousey, the new Diverter of Complications, who was threatening to fire and/or dismember all White House staff and Congress, but not the Supreme Court, “where we have more fucking paranoid schizophrenics on our side than on their side”.

Leakers not yet disemboweled by the new Diverter of Complications say that Dump fears that Scaramousey “may be a bit weak on the Supreme Court.”