Small bump on president-elect’s road to national unity

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Looking ahead to his goal of uniting a divided nation, President-elect Joe Notrump has begun assembling a team of experts, given the name Team Unity, to propose specific actions that might help. However, no one involved in the presidential transition has been willing to accept responsibility for the inclusion in the expert group of Xavier Quank, an unorthodox economist from the University of North West South Dakota.

Professor Quank did not wait for the entire Team Unity to be assembled before he submitted a discussion paper containing proposals, several of which could be embarrassing to the new administration.

After pointing out that “one of the greatest divides” in the United States today is inequality of wealth, Quank suggested that the country’s total wealth – approximately $106 trillion – could be divided among the current population of 328 million, leaving every American “united with a comfortable and equal $323,000.” Or, if it was thought that children would be unable to handle such wealth wisely, the distribution could be limited to adults, each of whom would then be allotted $432,000.

Professor Quank further argued that such an equalization of wealth would also make it easy to eliminate divisions based on income, allowing the establishment of national unity on the basis of an annual income of $63,000 per capita, or about $84,000 per adult. He added that these figures might rise, as national GDP could be expected to increase if inactive individuals currently holding excessive wealth felt impelled to engage in productive activity.

Insiders in the presidential team say the Quank’s proposals, while unhelpful in the transition to the Notrump administration, should not cause major disruptions. “If there’s any widespread support for these crackpot ideas, we’ll just point out the judicial obstacles: the Supine Corpse would never allow anything like that.”