Congress investigates President’s charge against his predecessor

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The House-Senate Joint Committee into the Possible Tapping of President Dump opened its hearings this week in a manner that surprised many. On the first day, nobody except the committee members (and media) showed up.

The committee then sent a request to the White House for the President to present his charges against his predecessor. The response was a tweet saying, “So-called President Barack Africa tried to tapp me, surveil. Sad. Criminal. Born Kenya. Worse than Putin.”

After deliberation, the committee decided by majority vote (including the votes of two Republicans who were immediately expelled from the Republican caucus) to ask President Dump to appear in person. The President tweeted, “No way. Busy with land deals on DAPL.” But he nevertheless showed up at the committee session the next morning.

The committee’s chair opened by asking the President, “Sir, can you please tell us what the tapping or surveilling of you by the previous President consisted of?”

Ridiculous,” President Dump replied. “Your job to find that out, not mine. Otherwise – you’re fired!”

Look,” he added, pointing to journalists in the gallery. “Lying media making fake news. Writing what I say.”

The committee chair then asked if the President “could tell us some sources that we could fruitfully question on this matter.”

Twitter. The internet. Lots there,” President Dump answered. “Telephones too. Lots of stuff I hear on the telephone. Just check. Ask the people who support me.”

Under hostile questioning from a Democratic committee member (“Sir, are there any sources on the internet you don’t believe?”), the President maintained his composure (“Yes. The ones that disagree with me.”)

Having weighed the President’s evidence, and in the absence of any conflicting testimony, the committee concluded by majority vote (including the two earlier Republican dissidents, who were immediately readmitted to the caucus): “The balance of evidence received indicates that there was probably unlawful surveillance of President Dump during, before, or after the election campaign, or anyway sometime, and that this maybe probably certainly was initiated by the former so-called President.”