US welcomes Russian military training

WASHINGTON (Rooters Agency) – The US government today welcomed the announcement by Russian President Vladimir Putin that Russia was planning to hold joint military exercises with several countries geographically close to the United States.

Two days ago, President Putin said that Russian forces would shortly be conducting “joint military training exercises” with Cuban armed forces along the perimeter of the Guantanamo base, where the US conducts much of its torture of suspected Islamic terrorists, and along stretches of the US-Mexican border.

“We welcome Russia’s assistance to countries in Our Hemisphere”, said White House spokesthing Frumious Bandersnatch. “The United States has a long record of supporting well-meaning military exercises inside and near our borders, such as the Venezuelan bribing of several US military officers to carry out a US coup in 2002, the Libyan Air Force exercises off the east coast in 1986 that accidentally killed President Reagan’s daughter, the 1989 Panamanian raids to arrest drug smugglers in Florida and the numerous incursions from Haiti seeking to change the President of the United States.”

The spokesthing stressed that the US government has a “laid back attitude” in such matters. “After all, if we got uptight about things like that, other countries might feel free to get aggro when we overthrew their governments.”

The spokesthing added that, as always, US military exercises, including wars, were always conducted by unarmed non-combatants. “Given our proven record in this respect, we can’t imagine that President Putin would object to our planned military training exercises with Ukraine in Minsk, St Petersburg and Novosibirsk.

“If he does – well, we have the International Criminal Court to deal with recalcitrants.”

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