President’s Qatar move hailed

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – “Brilliant! A stroke of genius! We’re honored to hear of it! Deal making beyond compare! Moral guidance equal to the Bible!” The reaction to President Ronald Dump’s latest move in regard to the Qatar crisis was unanimous within the Cabinet.

The President’s master stroke left Secretary of State Rexxon Pillager literally at a loss for words. “Mffxmp ksgltmrp,” was all he could manage, and Blazes Banshee, the President’s Chief Rasputin, had to thump Pillager on the back to stop him choking on his coffee.

When President Dump endorsed the blockade of Qatar by Saudi Arabia and its friends and clients – “Those guys have been funding the bad guys. Bad guys got to stop” – most commentators assumed that the administration would downgrade its ties with Qatar, perhaps by restricting the amount of money that the 11,000+ US soldiers stationed there are allowed to spend on their weekend leave in Doha.

So it surprised many people when, only a few days later, Defense Secretary P. Ray Mantis signed an agreement to supply Qatar with “a whole lot” of fighter jets valued at $12 billion more or less, depending on exchange rates and who is getting kickbacks.

Qatar is not a very big country, and it is difficult for a fighter jet to take off from Qatar without flying into the airspace of one of the countries blockading it. This fact added to the surprise at the agreement in the media, Congress, and the White House, in all of which it was speculated that the President had approved the deal under the mistaken idea that Qatar was a province of China.

However, as the President today explained to anyone who would listen, and many who didn’t want to, “This deal is brilliant. Told you I would. I did. Brilliant.”

As eventually deciphered by Banshee and Presidential Counselor Kelly Anna Conda, President Dump was saying that the sale of billions of dollars worth of fighter planes to Qatar would deprive Qatar of precisely that much money, which therefore could no longer be given to the bad guys. “Who could argue with that?” was the universal response in the Cabinet room and the Republican Congressional caucus.

According to a highly placed source who insisted on anonymity, the President may be considering a similar strategy to counter North Korea’s nuclear weapons program. It has been suggested that, “over a hamburger,” North Korean President Kim Jung-il Jim might agree with President Dump to buy “20 or 30 – depends on the price” US hydrogen bombs.

They wouldn’t have enough cash left to pay for a missile,” the source explained. “You gotta be clever to make good deals.”