Colleagues unanimous in not criticizing President

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Today a White House guard became the 4,000th close observer of President Ronald Dump to deny that he had ever criticized anything about the President.

The guard, Hambone Muckwater Jr, contradicted a report in the Washington Pillar that said Muckwater once had to help the President tie his shoelaces because the President “couldn’t remember if it was left over right or right over left, but right over left is how it ought to be.”

Contacted by reporters about the reported remark, Muckwater responded, “You all know President Dump can’t make a sentence as long and complicated as that.”

Muckwater is described on the White House Mugbook page as having been employed as a guard by “every President since the Frederick Douglass Administration.” A footnote added after the publication of the remark denied by Muckwater said: “He didn’t ever do anything important for anyone, I never met him, and I always wear sandals.”

With his denial of the reported criticism, Muckwater joins a long line of close political, business, and personal collaborators of Ronald Dump who have denied describing him with terms that cause most of the human race to respond, “Well, duh.”

However, there have been some disagreements among previous non-critics about what they didn’t say about the President. For example, Secretary of State Rexxon Pillager has sort of denied calling President Dump a “moron.” National Security Advisor H.R. Disaster denies calling him an “idiot.”

For a time, “moron” appeared to be winning out over “idiot” as the term that President Dump’s colleagues denied calling him. However, “idiot” recently gained denial traction when media magnet Robert Muckedup denied having called him that.

Some observers, mainly the especially cynical ones, have suggested that the Pillager-Disaster/Muckedup dispute is a red herring designed to distract attention from the denial by one of Trump’s former wives that she had called him a rapist.

However, many other observers here expect an escalation of denials. Some say that persons close to the president may soon deny calling him “bird brain,” “fascist,” “homicidal maniac,” “Dad in law,” and similar terms.

A source in the office of Vice President Mickey Tuppence denied that Tuppence has denied calling President Dump “sir.”