Congressional bill passes, paving way for Amendment

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The Senate today passed and sent to the President the bill which the House of Representatives endorsed last week, the Corrected Orthography to Protect The Homeland at All Times (COP THAT).

Once the bill is signed by the President, as expected, all spelling of “Homeland” will be required to change to “Shomeland.” The pronunciation of the word will not change, but individuals or corporations that use the old spelling will be fined or jailed (applying to officers of corporations).

Passage of COP THAT is seen as a necessary adaptation to the impending ratification of the 28th Amendment to the Constitution, which will change the country’s name to United Homeland of America.

Constitutional lawyers have unanimously decided that the Constitution does not mandate any particular spelling of anything, so COP THAT, although only a law and therefore inferior to the Constitutional Amendment, can nevertheless modify the spelling of the Amendment.

The upshot is that the country’s new name will be pronounced “United Homeland of America,” but in writing the name will appear as “United Shomeland of America.” Therefore, the name can continue to be abbreviated as “USA.”

As is well known (but some of you might have been asleep, and anyway, we charge subscribers by the word), the promise to pass COP THAT was the key provision of last year’s Great Compromise, in which the USA Not UHA Movement agreed to drop its opposition to the Amendment.

Border control authorities report that progress towards passage of COP THAT has been accompanied by a 174% increase in the number of people leaving the country who list their occupation as “terrorist.”

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