God’s law, now state law: Arizona couple cope with unexpected birth

WEST RATTLESNAKE, ARIZONA (Rooters agency) – Bettina Bandersnatch and her husband Tumbleweed say it’s been hard, but they are persevering in raising their child, born more than nine months prematurely.

“We didn’t even know a baby could start that soon,” Bettina said, “but we’ve always been against murdering babies. So when the legislature passed the law and the governor signed it, our duty was clear.”

“Yup,” Tumbleweed agreed.

The Bandersnatches were referring to the state’s new law regulating abortion, which defines the age of a fetus as beginning up to two weeks before conception.

Before she heard about the law, Bettina said, “I always thought that … well, you know, we would have to … you know what I mean. And Tumbleweed had been off hunting illegal border-crossers for a month, so I didn’t think I could be pregnant.

“So I was surprised when the baby came out and about how small it was. But the day before, I had read about the new law, so I knew it really was a baby and we would have to take care of it.”

“Yup,” Tumbleweed agreed.

That was nearly 10 days ago, and the Bandersnatches are still adjusting to the unexpected arrival into their family. They have not yet decided on a name for the child. “It’s hard,” Bettina explained, “because we can’t tell yet whether it’s a boy or a girl. If we gave it the wrong kind of name, that might make it become a homersoxual or a leprechaun.”

Until the child grows enough to be sexually determined, the Bandersnatches have settled on using the temporary nickname of “Precious”, which they feel is sufficiently gender-neutral.

But there is a problem with the pronoun, especially for their other children – Reagan, 8; Fluffy, 6; Roswell, 5; and Deuteronomy, 2. “Sometimes they call Precious ‘he’ and sometimes ‘she’ and sometimes ‘it,’ Bettina said. “None of them sounds right.”

Another problem is the health of Precious, who has not grown noticeably since birth. “I’m worried,” said Bettina. “Precious doesn’t eat anything. Or make any noise. Not like the other kids.”

But the Bandersnatches are determined to bear whatever hardships are required by the arrival of their new child. “It’s God’s law, and now state law too,” Bettina affirmed.

“Yup,” Tumbleweed agreed, as he got up to leave, saying he was “Goin’ huntin’.”

Would he be gone long? “’Least eight weeks.”

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