WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Buzz’s address to the nation last night seems largely to have defused the objections that arose earlier in the week after a government drone fired a missile that wiped out Senator DW Bunkum and most of the guests at the Maryland wedding reception he was attending.
Although there was reportedly widespread disquiet after the death of Senator Bunkum, the Opposition candidate for President, opinion surveys after the presidential telecast found that 58.7% of viewers accepted President Buzz’s statement, “I was confident of defeating Senator Bunkum in a fair election. I suppose that is why he chose the path of terrorism – sadly leading to the end of his political prospects.”
In his address, the President added that of course the Opposition party would have complete freedom to nominate a new candidate, either promoting its VP candidate, Governor Bugsump, or naming an entirely new candidate, “provided only that the next candidate will end the previous candidate’s clandestine support for killing innocent bystanders, including small children.”
In his address, the President pointed out that the Supreme Court had already ruled, in the well-known case from the Obama administration, that the President had the authority to kill Americans or anyone else in a situation of “clear and present danger, as perceived by the President’s advisors or portrayed by a majority of the nation’s newspapers.”
“It is most regrettable,” President Buzz declared, “that the interests of national security do not allow me to lay out in detail the evidence that led me to the inescapable conclusion that Senator Bunkum’s behavior had made it clear that he was a clear and present danger to us all. When it is possible to do so without harming the nation, my successors will undoubtedly make the evidence public. Any designated non-terrorist who would like to see a summary of this evidence can apply at their local police station.
“It is a heavy burden,” he continued, “to have to decide, in order to protect the well-being of our country, who will die and who will make it into public office. I confess that I am weary of this burden, and I therefore declare that, should the American people return me to my seventh term as President rather than what’s-his-name, this will be my last, or next-to-last, term as your President and Protector.”