‛Naughty toddlers kill people’, says Weapons Association

FLORIDA (Rooters agency) – “Weapons don’t kill people. Toddlers kill people.” This is the new slogan of the National Weapons Association, announced today by Barry Bogus III, the NWA’s president.

Mr Bogus was in Florida specifically “to counter the Islamocommunist anti-gun propaganda being pushed by media that we haven’t advertised in recently.”

He was referring to coverage of an incident in which a Florida woman, Jasmine Gitt, was seriously wounded by her four-year-old son. Ms Gitt is well known on the internet as a defender of the views of the NWA. In particular, she has argued that guns are both safe around children and necessary for their protection.

According to news reports, Ms Gitt left a loaded pistol in the back seat of her car along with her four-year-old, who picked it up and pulled the trigger, shooting his mother in the back. Fortunately, she is expected to survive, perhaps because the bullet’s impact was reduced by passage through the car seat. However, her son may be denied TV privileges for a week.

Nevertheless, Mr Bogus said the NWA would oppose, “strenuously, maybe even hysterically,” any attempt to place restrictions on the rights of toddlers to carry weapons. “Where will this lead?” he demanded to know. “The Second Amendment says nothing about age. Are we going to outlaw children? Surely that would be unconstitutional.”

“Instead of imposing unconstitutional regulations on the rights of toddlers to carry weapons,” Mr Bogus told Pox News, “the government should be launching a comprehensive testing of newborns and toddlers for tendencies to naughtiness. If such tendencies are detected, then the offenders should be placed in psychiatric correctional institutions until they are old enough to be shuffled off into factories.”

On a separate issue, Mr Bogus said that the NWA would probably support a proposed legal challenge to restrictions on the gun rights of prisoners. “The Second Amendment doesn’t say that it doesn’t apply to prisoners,” he pointed out. “It applies to all citizens. You have the right to carry weapons, whoever you are.”

But this would not create insoluble problems for prison discipline, Mr Bogus insisted, “provided that the guards are supplied with sufficient firepower, including tactical nukes if necessary. Prisoners wouldn’t be able to afford weaponry heavy enough to outgun the guards – rich people don’t go to jail.”