TUCSON (Rooters agency) – “I’m so embarrassed,” Republican presidential candidate T. Ronald Dump told a stunned crowd of admirers at a rally here today. “It’s the first time in my life I’ve made a mistake.”
Dump, who has promised to “Make America a Dump” by building border walls to exclude migrants, refugees, and terrorist babies, was responding to the dying words of a protester at the rally, who barely managed to articulate a question after an accidentally violent encounter with the Dump Free Speech Militia, who were only trying to defend their First Amendment right to hear their Leader without disruption, and whose legal expenses Dump has promised to cover.
The last-gasped question, “Aren’t we all migrants, except the Indians?” seemed to render Dump speechless for several seconds – something that even longtime observers cannot recall ever happening before.
“Golly folks, what you know, that way, it’s amazing,” Dump replied when he regained his breath. “It could that mean folks I’m we’re all like those rapists at least you know the Mexicans we’re them or their children. And kidnappers too.”
This situation, he said, means that “We should all go back home or be punched in the face like in the good old days or put them all in Auschwitz or Alcatraz on a stretcher.”
“I’m a winner you can see or you wouldn’t see me,” he said, “but I think I know how to think. Even the Indians weren’t here before they were. It makes you think, even if you don’t want to. If we all have to go back where we or our ancestors came from, well, who’s going to rent a place in Dump Downers? And where will we all go back to?”
Dump suggested that he would like to share his newly acquired insight with anti-immigrant politicians in other countries. “We need all to respond to real threats, not us chasing each other around, but outsider real danger, media don’t know or lie, need a wall in space at least 60 feet high to stop aliens, I saw it on the internet.”