President challenges ‘unfair’ dead

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump has said he is being unfairly targeted by “dead Democrats” who are manipulating statistics in an effort to discredit him.

The President tweeted the idea he had spoken of at his Tulsa rally, that too much testing made the Covid-19 pandemic in the US appear to be worse than in other countries that had not conducted as many tests: “I said SLOW THE TESTS because it makes us look bad and the election.”

But another problem, he wrote, is “dead people. They get tested right away to see if they’re dead they don’t wait properly in line.”

White House press secretary Klueless McNinny explained that the President believed that some countries (which would be identified if they annoyed the President) took excessive amounts of time to report mortalities due to Covid-19. This allowed the fake news media to portray the United States as less in control of the pandemic than those countries, which were probably hiding the corpses in abandoned coal mines, under the bed, and in temporarily unused means of transport such as airplanes, buses, and trains.

Speaking to its inhabitants in the White House Toad Garden, President Dump said, “The ultra communist Muslim Dems hate me so much, some of them are dying on purpose just to make my figures look bad.”

He asked “all Americans, of any species, to give me a fair go. Don’t aid the Dems’ fake statistics by dying before my re-election.”