INFERNO CITY (Rooters agency) – The authorities here today inaugurated a major construction project, the Magdalena Toobright Furnace.
The ceremony was presided over by Prince Beel-Zebub, who welcomed the assembled dignitaries and threw flaming brimstone and buckets of filth at the prisoners waiting to begin the construction. He also introduced the principal speaker, Prince Carreau.
Carreau is considered to be one of Inferno’s most amusing and entertaining speakers, and he did not disappoint on this occasion.
“As you know,” he began, “we really enjoy welcoming politicians who arrive in our domain. Politicians who come here – that’s almost a tautology, because there are damned few politicians who aren’t damned.”
Because of the large number of politician residents, Inferno City had constructed a special quarter for them, Schadenfreude. “Since they’re politicians,” Carreau said to general merriment, “in Schadenfreude we promise them everything – but we give them hell!”
The new facility, he continued, was being built to order at the request of a US politician, who had declared, “There’s a special place in hell for females who don’t help each other!”
Since the politician in question had participated in and publicly defended the killing of half a million children – at least 50% of whom were female – it was clear that she was making a claim for a very special spot for herself.
“Indeed, we had hoped she could be here for the inauguration of the Toobright Furnace,” Carreau said. “Unfortunately, that could not be arranged. But there’s no hurry, it will wait for her, as we will. We have eternity.”