New candidate shakes up Republican presidential race

LOS ANGELES (Rooters agency – analysis) – A new contender has shaken up the already crowded field competing for the Republican presidential nomination. Although he is a late entrant, he has the advantage of widespread and favorable voter recognition.

This is doubly or triply true in his home state, California, whose large electoral college vote makes it extremely important in a presidential election. Although he has traveled widely in his career, Goofy – or Goofus D. Dawg, to give him his full name – has always made Hollywood his home.

But he is obviously more than just a favorite son candidate. “Everybody loves Goofy,” said Gordon Whippletree, a political analyst for polling organization NOUS (National Opinion United States). “He appears absolutely harmless, and it seems that harmlessness is a presidential characteristic as popular as it is rare.”

Goofy’s detailed political opinions are not known, possibly even to himself, which is another plus for voters who have concluded that politicians’ policies are almost always damaging.

However, in regard to the debate on whether science has anything useful to tell us, he is on record as saying, “How can I follow it if I can’t spell it?” This is likely to make him popular with many Republican voters, and even the other presidential candidates.

His lack of experience in government at any level is considered likely to win him support among members of the Tree Potty movement. (This increasingly popular movement opposes government regulations requiring the burial of human waste, under the slogan “American soil should stay pure and clean”. It advocates that toilets be located in tall trees and be equipped with mechanisms to shoot waste into orbit, or at least the stratosphere.)

Further, he is a veteran (of World War II), having served as the mascot emblem of the 602nd Bombardment Squadron of the US Air Corps, and is expected to be endorsed by the Veterans of Foreign Invasions.

The earlier entrants in the Republican race mostly appeared to be surprised by Goofy’s entry and declined to comment. However, the candidate Jeb said he was pleased that there was another candidate who also had only one name. “Jeb,” he pointed out, is “at least two letters shorter than ‛Goofy,’ so I’m confident I will still get most of the short-memory vote.”

A more hostile reception came from candidate T. Ronald Dump, who complained, “It’s not fair! How can I be upstaged by a cartoon?!”

“That’s what we thought about Dump,” said one of the other contenders, who asked not to be named.