Administration clarifies not Muslim travel non-ban

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – White House press secretary Evan Spicier today clarified “some misconceptions that have arisen regarding the President’s executive order concerning visas – mostly due to lousy and lying reports by the dishonest media.”

First, Spicier told the assembled press, “The President has not instituted a travel ban. The order merely requires those people to stay where they are. It’s not a travel ban; people can travel to their local airport, or even to the United States if airline officials are careless. But then they have to go back again, immediately. So they get even more travel than they had counted on.”

In regard to the religion of non-banned travelers, Spicier said, “This is not a ban on Muslims. It is a ban on people from countries in which Muslims may happen to live. It applies to everyone from those countries, unless they happen to be Christians. Or Buddhists. Or Hindus. Or Confucianists. Or Shintoists. Or Freemarketeers. Druids, I’m not so sure about; the President didn’t mention them.”

The administration is also disputing reports of the numbers of would-be arrivals who have been detained and/or deported. “The number of people inconvenienced has been greatly exaggerated, even if you count the detainees who have not yet experienced enhanced interrogation. Anyone who feels that they have been treated unfairly can report their problem on Twitter, but almost none have done so.”

The press secretary added that the requirement for some arrivals to return immediately after, or before, they arrived would actually benefit Muslims. In Canada, where they let Muslims in, “as we have just seen in the unfortunate incident in Quebec, Muslims can be shot for doing provocative things like praying to a foreign god. That won’t happen to Muslims here, unless, of course, they happen to be here.”

Spicier concluded that the media’s coverage of the issue “had demonstrated that they are part of the opposition.” The media, he said, “should shut up or go home. Preferably both. Like the Democrats.”