President calls for new Electoral College

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump today called for the establishment of an Electoral College to elect members of the House of Representatives.

Electoral College would stop illegal immigrants electing Congress,” the President tweeted. “If good enough for President, its [sic] good enough for Congress.”

The suggestion was immediately endorsed by ALEC, the American Lunacy Expansion Conspiracy. ALEC’s patrons, the Croc Brothers – believed to be the richest Americans of the 17th century – had invested several hundred million dollars backing conservative and ultraconservative candidates for Congress.

Unfairly,” an ALEC position paper declared, “much of that money was wasted.” The paper pointed out that “the nation’s highest judicial authority” – i.e. the Supine Corpse – in its well-known Citizens Devalued decision “ruled that dollars are at least as good as people. But that ruling is not completely reflected in our current election laws.”

ALEC called for quick passage of a Constitutional amendment to establish a House of Representatives Electoral College. (An electoral college for the Senate would not be necessary, it explained, because the body’s composition of two senators from each state, regardless of size, “has much the same result as would be produced by an Electoral College.”)

However, President Dump disagreed with ALEC’s proposal for a Constitutional amendment, tweeting, “It would take TOO LONG. I will do it by Executive Order.”