WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump tweeted today that he “has ended the Dems WITCH-HUNT effort to persecute my Innocent Judges.”
This was apparently a reference to the request of Democrats on the Senate Jungular Committee for an FBI investigation of charges of sexual assault against a judicial nominee, Brash Cattlecar.
The request had been rejected by Republican senators, who have a majority on the committee. One of them, Senator Gravely Upchuck, explained, “We know he’s innocent, so there’s no need for an investigation, which would only waste money that we could otherwise give to rich people.”
The President “intervened BIGLY,” as he tweeted, by announcing that he has issued a Presidential Decree which restricts the FBI to investigating “leftists and people who don’t stand up for the NATIONAL ANHTEM [sic].”
White House Press Secretary Sarah Wannabe Slanders explained, “In fact, this is what the FBI has always mainly been involved in. But the President wanted to get rid of the hypocritical pretense that the FBI is somehow neutral. How can it be neutral between good and evil?”
Asked whether the new Presidential Decree was constitutional, Slanders replied, “We have no doubt that it will be ruled that way by Judge Cattlecar when he gets the chance.”