UN votes to relocate

NEW YORK (Rooters agency) – In a voice vote, the UN General Assembly has adopted the Secretary-General’s recommendation to move the international organization to Washington.

The motion to relocate the United Nations to the Washington hotel Dump’s Dump was presented and motivated by the Secretary-General only a week earlier. “First, it’s a matter of practicalities,” he said. “Very many countries already have lodged their diplomats in the United States in Dump’s Dump. With the UN in the same location, many of these countries will be able make considerable savings on personnel, travel, consultation among their representatives, and so on.”

The Secretary-General denied charges by some media that UN diplomats would be wallowing in luxury once they moved to Washington. “We have specifically rejected renting the rooms with the diamond-studded gold toilet roll holders,” he asserted.

On the economics of the move, “It’s an offer we really can’t afford to refuse,” the Secretary-General said. “As you know, our budget has been restrained by the inability of some member states to pay their assessments on time. Under the arrangements proposed, the rental of United Nations facilities in Dump’s Dump will be paid for by the United States government, these payments being regarded as installments to reduce the $3 billion or whatever it is that the US is behind in its payments.”

This meant, as US ambassador Anarki Hailstorm pointed out, that the UN would occupy Dump’s Dump “rent free for a year, maybe even 15 months if you guys don’t call room service too often.”

Meanwhile, the UN would benefit financially from the privatization and sale of the existing UN building in New York. Arrangements for this were already well advanced, the Secretary-General said, but could not be revealed because they are commercial in confidence.

“The President says this is a great deal for both sides,” Ambassador Hailstorm reported. “For the UN and for the American people. And yes, of course President Dump is an American.”