‛Candidate’s tax returns’ released

NEW YORK (Rooters agency) – The internet news network Manyleaks today released what it claims are the tax returns of Presidential candidate T. Ronald Dump.

None of the returns, covering more than two decades through 2014, appear to be finalized. That is, on all of them there is still disagreement between Dump and the Tax Office over one or more points. For instance, in many of the returns the Tax Office questions Mr Dump’s tax deductions for “hair spray”, varying in different years from $5,700 to $47.3 million.

There also seem to be disputes over a category in the returns headed “Disinterested Gifts to Politicians.” All of the entries under this heading, which occur in all the returns, are blocked out by a stamp that says “Commercial in Confidence.”

Other deductions listed are open to different interpretations. For instance, there are many entries under a heading “Lawsuits – Settled Out of Court”. But notes allegedly from Dump’s lawyers, attached to the returns, always refer to these entries with the disclaimer: “These claims are for tax purposes only. Mr Dump never settles lawsuits out of court.”

The returns, if confirmed as authentic, show Dump reporting a total income over the two decades of $21.36 million, paying withholding tax of $34.27, and claiming tax refunds of $10.26 billion.

The authenticity of the documents released by Manyleaks is of course open to question. Manyleaks says the tax returns were photocopied, authenticated by a CPA, and washed up in a bottle on a beach on Long Island. Some people doubt this explanation.

Dump himself says he suspected his election opponent, Hermione N. Clement, of being behind the leak “just like everything else evil in the world.” She denied it, saying, “Everything I have done in this campaign has been fair and transparent. If you don’t believe me, just ask my primaries opponent, Boron Sandpaper.”

Dump responded that he thinks the returns might have been, not only released by Clement, but even forged by her: “I don’t remember ever filing any tax returns.”