USA to abandon cyber security

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The United States government has announced that it will cease trying to prevent hackers from accessing any of its computerized databases.

The move took many observers by surprise, coming as it did shortly after the US accused the Russian government of hacking into the computer system of the Democratic National Committee. However, the US government points out that the DNC is not part of the government, and whether or not it follows the government in this matter is up to it.

At a media briefing today, White House press secretary Jed Lee Earnest explained the new stance: “As you will be aware, the government has been spying on your electronic communications for a long time. One of our strongest justifications for this practice – which will continue – is that, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.

On thinking it over, the President and Cabinet realized that the government never does anything wrong – by definition. Therefore, we have nothing to hide and no reason to fear Russians or anyone else snooping around inside our computers.”

It has not yet been officially announced, but it is widely expected that the US will officially retract and apologize for its recent accusation of Russian hacking. The State Department is reportedly drafting a message along the lines of “Go for it, and good luck! And would you like to see what we found on your system?”