Dear Minister …

To the Minister for Queues, Australia

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am a person in some difficulty, because I am a member of a minority group in my country, and am often attacked because of that. The government here, I regret to say, does very little to discourage such attacks, and often even seems to encourage them.

Because of this situation, I have often thought about relocating with my family to a country such as Australia, where, so I have been told, such persecution of minorities is rare, and at least not openly encouraged by the government.

Of course, I do not wish to inconvenience Australia’s government. I have seen many CDs and printed notices saying that I cannot just get on a boat that is sailing to Australia because that would be jumping the queue.

I inquired of an airline about the cost of flying to Australia. Alas, the cost is far more than I could ever hope to accumulate. And even if I did do it somehow, the airline clerk explained that we would need passports before we could board the plane. We cannot obtain passports because we are a minority that the government does not like.

So it seems we will have to come by boat. But, in order not to break your rules, we would first like to join the queue. Therefore, could you please tell me where and how my family and I might join it?

I thank you for your kind consideration.

Yours sincerely,