President’s ‘list’ fails to win UN vote

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – “I know who you are. You are who you are,” President Ronald Dump declared. “Where you are who. We know. Will keep a list.”

The President’s remarks came in response to indications that many member states of the United Nations were planning to vote differently from the way the United States (President Dump) thought they should vote on a motion regarding Jerusalem.

We will be taking names,” Ambassador Anarki Hailstorm had warned both world governments and the staff of the restaurant where, that morning, she complained that her Eggs Benedict were overcooked.

The need for careful recording was indicated when President Dump declared, “If the Virgin Islands doesn’t do the right thing and support us, we’ll have them thrown out of the United Nations. Out of the world if we have to. Also Islamistan and West Dakota. America is tired of supporting countries that are other countries.”

Backing Ambassador Hailstorm’s statement that the United States would insist on its right to locate its embassies wherever it chooses, the President announced that he was going to move the embassies in many parts of Asia, and “especially in Africastan,” to Washington, “where I can keep an eye on them.” US embassies to Central America, “if we have to have them,” are to be moved to Alaska, to save money on air conditioning.

Despite the Presidential threats, a very large majority of states voted against the US. Many political observers believe that these states weren’t intimidated because they believed the President – and perhaps many of his staff – didn’t know who they were or where they were located.

Responding to this possibility, White House advisors hope to update the President’s geographical perspectives, which were revealed, among other things, by his remark at a banquet in Japan that “I never knew we had so many countries.”

A White House insider, who requested anonymity, explained that President Dump had studied Saul Steinberg’s famous cover for the New Yorker magazine in March 1976, “View of World from Ninth Avenue,” because he believed it to be an authoritative map of the world.