Author Archives: letters2pppapers

Cryptocurrency hits new highs

NEW YORK (Rooters agency) – Investors are rushing to buy Barnumcoins as the popular cryptocurrency hits new highs. The digital currency is seen as a hedge against inflation, as its price has been rising even more rapidly than the debts … Continue reading

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President reportedly planning post-January 20 move

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – “What? Me worry?” declared President Ronald Dump yesterday. “Why should I when I won the election and people love me all over the world?” The President was responding to reporters’ questions as to whether he was … Continue reading

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President loses one of those ‘best people’

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – In August 2020, Dr. Scott Atlas was appointed a special advisor to President Ronald Dump, as part of the White House Coronavirus Task Force. During his four months in that position, Atlas advocated policies that largely … Continue reading

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Electoral College vote challenged

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) December 15 – President Ronald Dump late last night rejected the vote of the Electoral College, which voted by 306 to 232 to elect Joe Notrump as President of the United States. “The whole election was rigged,” … Continue reading

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Government: Fears for Empire are ‘balderdash’

Rome, 22 Augustus 454 – There is no cause for alarm in the current world situation, according to Imperial Spokesman Plentius Fabricus. The barbarian raiders harassing our borders are a nuisance, but not a serious threat to the Empire, Fabricus … Continue reading

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President: Rally ‘biggest ever’

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump has denied that his campaign rally in Tulsa had failed to live up to his advance description, which said: “The event in Oklahoma is unbelievable. The crowds are unbelievable. They haven’t seen anything … Continue reading

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Secretary of State praises ‘smooth transition’ to second term*

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Secretary of State Dick Pompous today spoke proudly of “the incredibly smooth transition” to President Dump’s second term, which begins next week. “We thought the Democrats might make a fuss,” Pompous said, “but after the Supine … Continue reading

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Small bump on President-elect’s road to national unity

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Looking ahead to his goal of uniting a divided nation, President-elect Joe Notrump has begun assembling a team of experts, given the name Team Unity, to propose specific actions that might help. However, no one involved … Continue reading

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President says he will reveal vote fraud evidence

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump has said he has “mountains of evidence of vote cheating by Democrats and Fake News media” in the course of the presidential election. Therefore, he expects the courts to confirm that he has … Continue reading

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‘Blessing’ creates misunderstanding

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The State Department has been overwhelmed by diplomatic sympathy messages from around the world, all based on a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, an ambiguous network news release (not by Rooters), quoting President Ronald Dump’s statement that his contracting … Continue reading

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