Enemy’s name made official

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The White House today announced its decision on how it will refer to the troublemakers who have recently overrun large parts of Iraq and Syria in defiance of US suggestions that they should just leave us alone to run their countries for them and go live on a different planet or something.

Some news organizations have been referring to the latest just-in-time enemy as “ISIS,” while the government has been calling it “ISIL.” This has caused confusion among US citizens, as evidenced by an increasing number of bomb threats against people named Ilse or Sisi or George (no, we don’t understand that one either).

It seems that many citizens, after years of exposure to television/radio/newspaper reports that never discuss anything more serious than which is the most effective laundry detergent (Rooters excepted, of course), can no longer keep track of the numerous organizations out there that are planning to invade and slit their throats – tomorrow night if not tonight.

Therefore, the Department of Homeland Security (formerly the Ministry of Peace) has devised a simple and easy to remember name for the multifarious enemies we face: TVBP, standing for “those very bad people.”

This means that, whenever US forces torture, bomb, poison, irradiate or anything else to TVBP, it should be obvious that they deserve everything they get, and thank you to our virtuous CIA and military forces for doing it.

However, within the Administration, there were proposals to modify the term before it was officially released. There was an objection to referring to enemies as “people,” in case that might create sympathy for them when they are bombed out of existence. The proposed substitution was “those very bad cyborgs.”

Supporters of the original proposal argued that most of the world’s people don’t even know what “cyborg” means and that, in any case, TVBP is quite sufficient to do the job, which is to scare the bejesus out of people.

Use of the term and and its acronym is of course compulsory for any news organization to which tax laws apply.

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