London perplexed by US purchase offer

WASHINGTON and LONDON (Rooters agency) – Officials in the government of the Barely United Kingdom today appeared perplexed by the Twitter announcement of US President Ronald Dump that a deal was “almost completed” for the US to purchase Scotland and/or Northern Ireland.

“Haven’t heard of that,” said a Foreign Office official who asked to remain anonymous because he didn’t want to look like he was out of the loop. “But they want to stay in the EU, so I say let them go if the price is right.”

BUK Prime Minister Bro Jejune said he would answer any questions about the proposed purchase only to Parliament, whose next meeting the government was hoping to reschedule to coincide with the Brexit fifth anniversary celebrations on October 31, 2024.

In his tweet, President Dump contrasted his recent reception in the BUK with the cancellation of his planned state visit to Denmark. “Never really wanted Greenland, so won’t visit. In BUK they love me, so should be easy to strike a deal for Scotland or Nireland. SHOOK HANDS with their QUEEN, that everyone knows means a DEAL.”

In a subsequent tweet, the President said that one of the advantages of buying Scotland for the US was the relative ease of constructing a wall to keep out unwanted immigrants. “There’s already a WALL on its southern border, built by the Roman Emperor Hannibal. With repairs and help from my DRONES, Scotland can be made totally free from Muslim Mexican rapists.”