Exchange to list new artificial currencies

NEW YORK (Rooters agency) – Catching up with the rest of the economy, the New York Stuff Exchange today announced plans to list several new cryptocurrencies that are intended to compete with the popular Zitcoin.

Zitcoins at their creation sold for 25 cents a dozen, but yesterday a single Zitcoin was selling for $25,000 plus the soul of your first born.

Professor George Bagakash of the Institute of Economics explains that Zitcoin was originally attractive to investors because it seemed even more illogical than their usual investments, which had awarded them more money than they knew what to do with.

According to modern economic theory, value is due to scarcity, and the creator of Zitcoin ensured its scarcity by limiting the initial amount of Zitcoins. New Zitcoins could be created only by a complicated procedure centered on convincing a teenager that zits don’t matter; so far, no new Zitcoins have been created.

According to Professor Bagakash, with increasing demand for Zitcoins and no increase in supply, there is no reason that Zitcoins might not reach hugely more astronomical prices. “The only limit might be the total amount of money in the economy.”

However, the Professor also points out that competition from other, new, cryptocurrencies could constrain the demand for Zitcoins. One of the new currencies being listed on the Stuff Exchange originates in the Netherlands and is known as the Tulpenmanie. Professor Bagakash thinks the Tulpenmanie will not be a serious competitor for Zitcoin, because thoughtful investors have learned to prefer artificial currencies whose name ends in “coin.”

Much more likely to attract interest is the Ponzicoin, which has been booked to launch early next year during halftime at the Super Bowl. Rather than being limited to a specific number, Ponzicoins will be issued in amounts determined by “what the traffic will bear,” according to the documents issued for its IPO.

However, Ponzicoin is already being challenged by Barnumcoin, which has promised that a new Barnumcoin “will be born every minute.” The creators say this will ensure a supply of the coins sufficient to allow nearly everyone to invest in them.

The listing of these artificial currencies on the New York Stuff Exchange has been questioned by both stick-in-the-mud economists and backward moralists.

Asked whether listing cryptocurrencies, which don’t represent actual businesses producing things, marked a change in direction for the Exchange, a spokesperson replied, “Despite our name, we have never really exchanged stuff. The only thing bought and sold on the Exchange is promises of money.”