Administration to step up border defense

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Saying “Our country needs strong borders,” President Ronald Dump has called attention to “a dangerous border danger ignored by every previous President.”

Presidential press secretary Evan Spicier said that the Dump administration, after an in-depth, broad-ranging, one-hour-and-twelve-minutes study, had realized that the Big Beautiful Wall on the Mexican border was not enough. Even when it was complemented by a Bigger Beautifuller Wall on the Canadian border, America would still not be safe.

Walls are strong,” he said. “But much of America’s borders would still be water. And what is weaker than water?”

The Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, the President had decided, were not merely a weak border; they were actually a potential pathway by which foreign refugee Muslim terrorists in boats could invade the United States in order to destroy our manufacturing industries.

Clearly, the only real answer to this threat,” Spicier said, “is to remove that pathway – that is, to remove all that dangerous water.” The most efficient way to do that, the administration has decided, is to evaporate it, using the heat generated by burning “America’s newly liberated coal and oil resources.”

A political benefit of drying up the two oceans was mentioned by President Dump during a television interview: “It is going to be a Big Beautiful Dry. Beautiful. Rising water – not any more. Sink Chinese global warming hoax. You bet hoax.”

Asked by reporters whether this project would create a land route for hostiles to enter the United States, stretching from California to Washington state and from Maine to Texas, Spicier replied, “We’ve thought of that. Once the water is out of the way, we can build a wall where the water used to be.”

In a possibly related development, a report on the internet site Batshit News has raised the question, “Water’s all very well, but what is weaker than air?”