ASPCA stops candidate debate

LAS VEGAS (Rooters agency) – In a long and eagerly awaited development, tonight’s debate between Republican presidential hopefuls came to an abrupt end when officers from the ASPCA, responding to reports of the presence of rabid dogs, entered the auditorium and ushered all the candidates off the stage “for their own safety and reputations.”

The American Society for the Prevention of Childish Adults said it had been alerted by numerous phone calls from alarmed members of the public who happened to pass by the auditorium and heard the candidates’ opening howls, growls, and barks.

A spokesperson for the ASPCA said that it often receives reports of dangerous-sounding animals but does not usually send officers to capture the creatures without first investigating to determine whether they are really as dangerous as they sound. However, there were so many reports in this case that it was decided to take action immediately.

Furthermore, the arriving ASPCA officers met several members of the audience fleeing the auditorium for fear, they said, of being bitten. Additional delay would have been irresponsible.

It is not entirely clear whether tonight’s events will mean the end of the Republican debates. But the ASPCA spokesperson did indicate, “It’s unlikely any of them will be able to grow up in time for the next one.”