LOWMIND PARK, CA (Rooters agency) – The US technology giant Gobble has announced that it will cease providing crucial update information to one of its customers, the Chinese telecoms company Hayway Technologies.
Hayway’s phones use Gobble’s operating system Ambiguous. Updates are important because Gobble, like all major technology companies, supplies software that is full of badly written code, not to mention advertiser promotions, spyware and ##@79k&*^dk+@*^dk@drone $extreme prejudice##@##@repeat $extreme prejudice##@
A lack of access to updates correcting such problems will make Hayway’s telephones less attractive to potential customers, so that Hayway’s previous expenditures on Gobble technology are essentially wasted money. Or, in the standard motto of US business: “There’s one born every minute.”
At Gobble headquarters, a spokesrobot said that Gobble’s decision was based on the fact that Hayway’s activities are subject to Chinese government orders, which meant that the Chinese government might be able to spy on Hayway’s phone users.
Explaining his order that led to Gobble’s decision, President Ronald Dump tweeted: “If we let the chinks into our system, they might steal our secrets, such as …” [Rooters has been prevented by a court order under national security legislation from printing the rest of the tweet. It is not clear whether that order is enforceable in China or other countries.]
Reporters asked the spokesrobot whether this decision suggested that Gobble itself was subject to government direction. “Not at all,” the spokesrobot replied. “Gobble would never turn over user information to the Chinese government. Or do anything else the Chinese government told us to do.”
In a possibly related development, a large number of US computer chip manufacturers have, as they announced in a joint statement, “independently and freely decided” to stop supplying chips to Hayway “because we can’t produce enough chips for our current customers – of which Hayway used to be one but isn’t any more.” The State Department declined to “comment on this voluntary and wonderfully patriotic decision.”
Gobble’s main competitors, Macrostuff and Macramé, indicated that they would back its decision. A joint statement from the two said: “In the end, customers have the option: do they want to be spied on by some non-Caucasian foreigners, or by their very own American government?”