President announces cure for Covid-19

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump today announced that “many, many, many scientists” have discovered a cure for the disease caused by the Covid-19 virus.

“It’s simple,” the President said. “You take some salt, a pinch, in your right hand, and you throw it over your left shoulder. Very easy. End of problem. Everybody can go back to work. Do it now.”

Who were the scientists that discovered this, a journalist asked.

“Fake news no ratings Democrat communist nonsense,” the President replied in one of his more restrained responses at the day’s press conference.

“Brilliant, Mr President, Sir,” said Vice President Mickey Tuppence, the head of the White House Coronavirus Taskfarce, even before the President’s explanation had gone past the word “pinch.”

In its reporting, Pox News said that “Possible Salt Cure Breakthrough” would be investigated by government scientists, who didn’t have anything else to do. And anyway, it added, quoting the President, “What do you have to lose?”