President drops charges against Snowden

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – In a surprise move, the US President today announced that the government would no longer seek to arrest and try Edward Snowden, who revealed US government recording of billions of electronic communications and hacking of foreign computer systems.

“On reflection,” the President told a press conference, “the indictment of Mr. Snowden under the Espionage Act seems to be something of an over-reaction. I have therefore asked the attorney-general to quash the indictment.”

The President’s unexpected decision caused considerable bipartisan consternation on Capital Hill. House Republican leader John “Stone-Age” Bomber called the action “just the kind of treason we would expect from a President who has imposed Islamo-Communist compulsory medical care on the American people.” Democratic Senator Daffy Finelines said she was “frankly perplexed by this failure to drive a stake through the heart of the transparency vampire.”

“It’s really too late to close the stable door now that the horse has fled,” the President responded. “As you know, my administration has consistently upheld a firm principle regarding criminal law. That principle is that we should look forward, not backward.

“I intend to ensure that Mr. Snowden will not be given access to any further government secrets. Therefore, it is not necessary to prosecute him in order to ensure the security of government information.

“Were we nevertheless to pursue prosecution, it could only be seen as an act of vengeance rather than justice. Furthermore, it could arouse fears among my predecessor and members of his administration that plans were afoot to prosecute them, despite their promises not to start any more wars or torture anyone else. We of course have no such intention.”

Later in the day, the White House press secretary announced plans for the establishment of a Snowden-Assange Metadata Library and the appointment of Pfc Bradley Manning as Inspector General of the Army.

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