US Senate votes to sanction Venezuela over CIA torture

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The US Senate has passed a bill imposing sanctions on Venezuelan officials for not having done more to prevent the torture of prisoners by the US Central Intelligence Agency.

In a joint statement endorsing the legislation, the Chief Tweedles, Senators Much McCoalface and Harvey Pooka, the Minority and Majority Leaders respectively or vice versa (check your calendar), explained, “There are only so many of us in Congress, and enforcing democracy around the world is demanding.

As is well known, we have been trying to straighten out Venezuela for 15 years or more, but the recalcitrant government of that country refuses to be straightened. If it hadn’t been for places like Venezuela, we would have had much more time to keep an eye on the CIA.”

During the Senate debate on the resolution, several senators pointed out that it was not intended to blame Venezuela for everything that had gone wrong. Russia and China were also responsible, but legislating sanctions against them had to be done more carefully. As for Iran and North Korea, there were already sanctions, and if those countries didn’t surrender soon, we’d extend the sanctions for a century or two until they came to their senses.

And there were undoubtedly other countries being similarly undemocratic and threatening to the Homeland that the CIA hadn’t yet told them about. Worrying about these threats was even more time-consuming when you didn’t know who they were. And it was also hard to specify sanctions.

Venezuelan pro-democracy leaders have become the target of vicious government-led campaigns that seek to stop them organizing an early change of government, like that unfortunately bungled one in 2002,” Senator Bobby “Blowhard” Mendentious said on the floor of the Senate. “We in the United States have an obligation to shine a bright spotlight on Venezuela’s abuses in the hope that the next attempt can be organized better while the Venezuelan government’s attention is distracted.”

While the Senate passed the bill overwhelmingly, some senators quietly indicated that they did not think the CIA should be let off the hook completely. As one senator said to Rooters on condition of not being named, “Why was the CIA so busy torturing small-fry jihadists while putting the Venezuelan threat on the back burner? If we win the main game in Venezuela, they’ll be able to torture to their heart’s content.”

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