Government vanishes into flying saucer

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Flying saucers from the Galactic Center today removed President Dump and large parts of the government of the United States. The aliens issued a statement of explanation:

“We apologize to the inhabitants of this planet, and especially to those in the part known as the United States, for our misguided experiment.

“Having observed your planet for several decades, our robotic probes proposed that we assist the solution of your problems by inserting a number of fake human beings into the White House, Congress, and judicial system.

“It was our view and hope that the misbehavior of these fake human beings would provoke broad popular revulsion that would lead to serious attempts to solve the problems that your species seems to like to inflict on itself and those around it.

“Unfortunately, this has not been the result; the provocations have been allowed to continue and appear to becoming more acceptable. We are therefore removing the fake human beings that infested your government before they cause further harm.

“Experiments are like that. If you were certain how they would turn out, there would be no need to conduct them. But we apologize for the disruption we have caused and promise that we will not interfere again. It’s up to you now.

“Signed: Galactic Center.

“P.S. It’s not true that the dolphins are ours. You’ll have to look out for them.”

[Editor’s note: Rooters regrets having to acknowledge that the above dispatch is fake news. We have never done this before, but our reporters were getting so depressed by reality that we let them make up good news just once.]