WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The Ronald Dump Administration’s chief environmental protector has announced a plan to sharply curtail the numerous wildfires laying waste to forests in much of the western United States.
Inferior Secretary Rhizome Blinky is widely regarded within the Administration as the most outstanding holder of that office since Ronald Reagan appointed Jimmy Swat as his first Inferior Secretary. Swat was noted for his expressed desire to protect the country’s natural environment until the year 2000, when the Second Coming would put an end to such worries.
Following on from President Dump’s tweet blaming California wildfires on Hispanic migrants who had drunk up all of the state’s lakes, Rhizome Blinky has taken to both radio and print to argue that environmentalists are also to blame.
“This is not a debate about climate change,” Blinky said, “because officials in this Administration are not allowed to use that phrase. It is about environmentalists pretending to protect trees.
“But if you look at those wildfires, what is it that you see burning? Trees! Lots of trees! A hugely lot of trees! And if those trees weren’t there, would they be burning? No, they would not! So if environmentalists hadn’t prevented us from cutting those trees, they wouldn’t be burned.”
It follows, Blinky continued, that removing trees would “do away with wildfires, or at least the part of them that depends on trees. But if we have to, we can also take out the grass and shrubs.”
According to Blinky, “Clearcutting will make American wilderness great again, because it will be safe from fire. Also, it will mean that hunters will be in less danger of getting lost, or of shooting each other because trees block their vision.”
While the Blinky Plan has been endorsed by the President, the National Weapons Association, and ALEC (the Croc Brothers-funded American Lunacy Expansion Conspiracy), some Washington insiders think it faces a major obstacle. They say that President Dump has noted that the plan has caused Blinky’s name to be mentioned nearly as often as his own on some Pox News broadcasts.