Governor enlists God against evil shooters

AUSTIN (Rooters agency) – Governor Grunge Babbitt today announced firm measures to reduce mass shootings in his state.

“Better late than never,” the Governor declared, announcing that the state government would “work with God” to stop armed psychopaths from shooting up churches, schools, and other public places where large numbers of current and potentially future voters might be gathered. “I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before,” he mused.

Asked if he had specific plans for collaboration with the deity, Governor Babbitt said that God would be appointed to a new position, Inspector of Weapons Licenses. In this role, God would be authorized to look into the minds of everyone applying for a weapons license, and to report any evil intentions found there, which would mean the license was denied. This would ensure that only good people could buy guns – unless evil doers from other jurisdictions entered the state.

While the National Weapons Association has in the past opposed most attempts to impose any restrictions on gun purchases, Babbitt said he had discussed his idea with the Leader of the NWA, Barry Bogus III, who had supported it.

Via email, Rooters asked whether God intended to take on the offered position. The reply was: “It’s flattering, but I already have a job.”