Republicans respond to wiretapping charge

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Dump yesterday replied sharply to Republican Senator Jimmy McGuns’ statement that the President should either provide evidence or retract his charge that his headquarters in Dump’s Dump (New York) had been “wiretapped by so-called President Barack Africa.”

“Evidence!” the President tweeted. “Can’t you read Breitbart?”

A short while later, he tweeted again, “McGuns no hero. Captured by enemy. If he’s so smart, why isn’t he rich like me?”

At this morning’s unusually large White House press briefing (6 journalists were admitted), Press Secretary Evan Spicier was asked whether it was appropriate for the President to criticize McGuns’ military service in the Vietnam War, given that Dump himself had never served in the military.

“I hope you are not trying to cast unwarranted suspicion on the Selective Service System,” Spicier replied. “The patriotic and hard-working administrators and doctors of the system determined that Ronald Dump had a medical condition, bone spurs in his heel, that prevented him serving.

“The President points out that it was very wise of him not to appeal against this ruling, despite his burning desire to serve the country, because bone spurs would have prevented him running fast enough to escape capture, and then he would have been in the same sorry condition as Senator McGuns.”

Most Republicans in Congress have been more understanding of the President’s wiretapping charge. Congressman Desert Snooze, the chair of the House Insouciance Committee, said that people shouldn’t take the President’s tweets so literally. “The President is a neophyte to truth,” Snooze said. “He only tried telling the truth for the first time a few months ago, and it made him feel uncomfortable.”

Reporters, not having previously suspected that President Dump might tell the truth about something, asked what it was the President had said.

“He was asked whether he would ever voluntarily release his tax files to the public,” Spicier explained. “And he answered, ‘No.’”