ST LOUIS (Rooters agency) – Scientists today announced a breakthrough that opens the possibility of “a major new initiative in genetic modification.”
At a press conference here, biological researchers announced that they had completed the genetic sequencing of the Monstroso Corporation. This knowledge, they said, would make possible the genetic modification of the company.
Monstroso, one of the world’s largest biochemical technology firms, has often attracted environmentalists’ criticism of its Wound-Up Already series of agricultural crops. In a patented process, Monstroso replaces a single gene of the plant with a minute quantity of plutonium. The tiny amounts of radiation from within the genetically modified crop ensure that any weeds surrounding it soon die off.
“Monstroso, genetically, is not able to respond normally to criticism or suggestions for improvements,” explained Dr Donald Ronald, a member of the research team. “Its 47X52A gene appears to have suffered a mutation that causes a condition which, when it occurs in individuals, is known as ‛total deafness.’”
Dr Ronald said that this defect in the corporation might be cured by the implanting of a properly functioning hearing gene from a more normal corporation – assuming that one could be found.
The scientists also reported that Monstroso carries an overdeveloped litigation gene, which is presumably what causes it to sue people whom it has harmed. Dr Ronald said that modification of this gene might save legal costs of several hundred millions of dollars a year in the United States alone.
He added that suppressing this gene might also result in the end of Monstroso’s legal battle to patent photosynthesis.
However, the scientists involved in the study could not agree on the advisability or possibility of modifying Monstroso’s 374NM12R7 gene, known colloquially as “the greed gene.”
Some of the researchers argued that it would not take very much to change the greed gene into, say, a “green gene,” since only one letter was involved.
Others among the scientists said that the 374NM12R7 gene had been found in every corporation studied, and this suggested that no corporation could survive without it.