WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Republican presidential hopeful Bent “Rambo” Colonoscope has rejected the criticisms by historians and archaeologists of his stated belief that the Egyptian pyramids were built by the Biblical Joseph to store grain.
Addressing a meeting of Hairstylists Against Trump yesterday in Poverty, South Carolina, Colonoscope denied that these critics had any more knowledge of ancient Egypt than he did.
“They can read the Bible, I can read the Bible, and then it’s up to each one to decide,” he said. “But the Bible certainly tells us about Joseph, and it doesn’t say anything about burying dead Pharaohs.”
The candidate went on to dispute the suggestion that historians and archaeologists might have other sources of information on which to base their views.
“How could those people remember what happened thousands of years ago?” Colonoscope demanded to know. “I’m not especially forgetful, but I’ve already forgotten a lot of what I learned when I was a student at West Point and graduated at the top of my class and was offered appointment as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff but I decided to be a doctor instead. So how could they expect to remember things for so much longer?”
“Besides,” he added later, “none of them were even alive then. We know that because the Bible says that Methuselah lived longer than anyone, and he only made it to 969.”
However, “in a spirit of compromise and good will,” Colonoscope said he was willing to consider other possible origins of the pyramids, provided they didn’t contradict the Bible. “If the pyramids weren’t built for grain storage, maybe they were a closet for Joseph’s multicolored coats.”
News From Somewhere 