President offers FBI help on missing journalist

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump has offered Turkey and Saudi Arabia the services of the FBI to investigate what he called the “mysterious disappearance” of a dissident Saudi journalist.

In an interview with Pox News, the President said, “Now they’ve finished clearing Justice Cattlecar from false fake news exaggerations of what never happened, the FBI can send those same investigators to solve the mysterious disappearance of that journalist. They’re very experienced in how to do these kinds of things.

“Because you know he was a reporter and people hate enemies of the people, so there are lots of people who might have killed him. So I have asked the FBI to be ready to send investigators to ask Saudi Big Brother Muckup Bent Salamander if he did it, and I know he is very trustworthy and he has strongly denied it. In fact, when I was sword dancing with him on my hugely successful visit to his country last year, already even then he denied doing it.”

If the journalist was in fact dead, President Dump suggested, he might have accidentally fallen into a rabbit hole inside the consulate and then been killed by rogue assistants of the Queen of Tarts.

“But you can be sure that we are not going to go along with the Dems and their guilty until proven innocent. If it’s Muckup Bent Salamander, or Brash Cattlecar, or even me, the President elected with the bigliest vote ever and the number at the inauguration too, we’re going to stick with the Constitutional principle of innocent if you haven’t confessed.

“The Dems may object to that, but I say, ‘Lock ’em up!’”