Notre Dame fire sparks market rally

ROME (Rooters agency) – The indulgences market is experiencing a record boom as the business world reacts to the burning of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris. At present, the proceeds of all indulgence sales are being dedicated to the reconstruction.

In an unusual appearance, Pope Frankie John Paul Mark II rang the market’s opening bell this morning, thus assuring investors of papal support for the rapid rise, which had begun the moment investors realized that the cathedral was not insured against the disaster.

Corporations around the world, but especially in Europe, have bid hundreds of millions of euros for the rebuilding.

Several multinationals, which asked to remain anonymous, have allowed employees to share in the holy effort by instituting across-the-board wage reductions. It was not immediately clear whether the indulgences purchased in this fashion would apply to the employees concerned.

In response to Rooters’ query as to whether reconstruction of the cathedral would include the installation of sprinklers or other automatic fire retardant systems, the Vatican press office replied, “The Church relies, not on human science, but on the Grace of God.”