Government uncertain about Ukraine President

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The State Department and other departments of the US government are scrambling to decide how to cope with the likelihood that the Ukraine is about to elect a comedian as its President.

If he says something, how will we know if he really means it?” said one State Department career officer. “We’re used to government leaders lying – everyone does it. But what if it’s not a lie? What if it’s just a joke?”

Further complications were laid out in Congressional testimony by Joy-Lee Hacksaw, the director of the Continuous Interrogation Agency.

We don’t worry too much about whether foreign leaders are lying,” Hacksaw said. “We base our views on stuff we get from their subordinates, who mostly assume that their boss is lying and therefore tell us the opposite of what the boss says. Unless, of course, the subordinate is not being honest with us, despite what we pay them, and they tell us what their boss wants them to say.

But if the leader is a comedian, lower officials won’t know whether they should tell us that he really means it or that it’s a joke that he thinks we won’t believe and therefore we should believe it.”

However, some longtime Washington insiders are not greatly concerned about the Ukraine events. “We can easily cope with a foreign President who is a comedian,” one of them explained. “A comedian is easy after we learned how to cope with a President who is a clown.”