Not only coal ‛good for humanity’

CANBERRA (Rooters agency) – Evidently buoyed by the response to his recent remark that “Coal is good for humanity,” Australian Prime Minister Rupert Menzies yesterday told the annual convention of the Society of Mortuarians that “Death is good for humanity.”

“Death is the basic source of jobs in Australia’s funeral industry,” the Prime Minister declared. “My government is determined to protect those jobs against the fantasist-terrorist doctors who are trying to prevent it.”

In response to questions by Rooters, the Prime Minister later said that death “should not be demonized. If it weren’t for death, our country and the world would be much too crowded. Just imagine: you’re waiting for one of those buses or trains that are never there when you want them, and when the bus or train finally arrives, you can’t get on, because it’s full not only of boat people but also people who should have been dead 20 or 30 years ago.

“As a parliamentarian, I personally never have to deal with buses or trains, but I’m trying to look after you little people.”

PM Menzies added that “all of the world’s religions acknowledge the importance of death. Muslim Australians, many of whom come from that part of the world, can tell you that the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve and all that stuff was about death being brought into the world. So that means that God’s in favor of it, and all the religions too.”

The PM acknowledged that death “has gotten a bad rap in the left-wing media. But that’s only because those journalists who call themselves ‛progressive’ don’t keep up with science and technology.”

The same leftists, he said, disparaged the very idea of technology that could clean up the burning of coal. “But my government has confidence in the unlimited ability of science to get us out of bad situations we have created.

“I have already indicated our confidence in clean coal. I am equally confident that we can just as quickly develop living death. In fact, we expect to have a situation of living death well before clean coal. Many people say we have already succeeded.”

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