Peaceful occupation briefly disrupted

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The peaceful occupation of parts of the nation’s capital by several groups of armed citizens was slightly disrupted today, but only for a short time.

The occupation began three weeks ago with the seizure of the Washington Monument by armed men calling themselves the Spearpoint Chewing Gum Association (SCGA). None of them were carrying spears, which probably would have been illegal, but there were many legal AK-47s, submachine guns, dum-dum bullets, and the occasional fragmentation grenade, all protected by the Second Amendment to the Constitution.

A week after the seizure of the Washington Monument, a previously unknown group of several dozen people calling themselves the Waco Wackos took control of the Lincoln Memorial. The WWs said that they were responding to the SCGA’s call for “a mass movement of liberation from political correctedness.”

A spokesperson for the WWs explained that the group had removed the head from the Lincoln statue in the Memorial because Islamic State terrorists behead people, and “the appeasement all began with this f*****g n****r lover.”

Four days ago, a combination of the two organizations, called the McVeighist Liberation Front (MLF), occupied Congress, doing this so quietly that very few of the Representatives or Senators woke up.

All of these events proceeded without violence. Some business owners initially expressed annoyance at the accompanying decline in tourist numbers, but they quieted down when Croc Bothers Industries promised to make up their losses.

However, a tactical division within the MLF seems to have contributed to today’s brief deviation from the previously quiet course of the occupations. Both sides agreed on the perspective of launching nuclear strikes against abortion clinics in the US and everywhere else in the world and then, if any weapons were left over, launching them at ISIS. But they were divided on whether this could be achieved most efficiently by occupying the White House or the Pentagon.

The debate, held in the National Mall between the Washington Monument and the Capitol, became heated and disorderly at times, and at one point the chairman sought to restore order by firing his M-16 into the air.

While this was technically illegal within the city, it did restore order to the meeting, and District of Columbia police have said it is unlikely that any charges will be filed over the incident. The Emporium Airlines 747 descending into Dullard International Airport at the time landed safely, and Croc Bothers has said it will pay for repair of the bullet hole in the wing.

Criticism of the DC police for not having a larger presence at the MLF gathering has been largely silenced after a police spokesperson explained that the most of the force had been mobilized elsewhere because of fear of violence at a simultaneous several-score-strong rally of the radical Black group Stop Killing Us.

The MLF says it will continue its tactical debate in private leadership discussions. The government has announced that security forces at both the White House and Pentagon will not be armed, in order to avoid any danger of violence erupting accidentally.

Advertisements