US President comments on South Africa

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – “See! It shows I was right! It proves African countries are shithouses.” According to White House insiders, these words were the response of President Ronald Dump to the news that South Africa’s President had been forced to resign over a series of corruption scandals.

In a meeting called to warn staff that anyone who leaked information about the number of cheeseburgers consumed in the White House would be jailed for decades under the 1917 Espionage Act, President Dump is said to have departed from his prepared remarks to express his dismay about the South African events.

“His own party!” the President said in stunned tones. “His own party turned against him, and over what? A few millions spent on improving his property’s security against terrorism or falling meteorites. What’s wrong with that? I spend more than that just going for the weekend to my Mainly Loco resort.”

The President, waxing philosophical, then suggested that Africans were incapable of judging corruption issues and showing loyalty in the way Americans do. “I doubled the room rates at my resorts and hotels as soon as I was elected. If I’d done it in South Africa, I’d probably be in trouble, even with my own party. But here, nobody in my party has objected. They understand that’s not corruption. That’s just good business practice.”

“Imagine what would become of America if we ran it like that South African shithouse!”