Space Force

[From a speech recorded at a political rally.]

We’re in the middle of a galaxy. An absolutely hugely huge galaxy, probably the biggest galaxy there has ever been and never will be.

It’s full of aliens. Aliens. If we let them in, they will vote for Democrats, they already voted for her. Big green monsters. Jabba Hutch. Rapists. We don’t want competition from alien rapists. We have to keep them out. Out. Way out. Maybe past the Sun. Or the Moon.

So we need a Space Force.

Barack Africa didn’t do it. Wimpy Shrubs didn’t do it. Hermione N. Clement wouldn’t lock ’em up. Nobody did it yet. Not even Eisenhower – German name, he might have been working for that woman immigrant lover. Nobody but me is willing and smart enough and rich enough to keep out all the alien rapists.

If aliens want to stay at my hotel, I will charge them double. Or triple. And they can’t come in.

I will stop them with Space Force. Space Force will defend our borders. No flying saucers. If flying saucers try to infest our country, BAM! Space Force blows them out of the water. Like in that movie. John Wayne, Indians.

In Space Force we need Space Cadets. Like before President Camelot, I remember, Tom Corbett, Space Cadet hero. Very like me. Except he didn’t have a rich father. Strange. I knew a few like that at college. Uppity. Thought they were smarter. Then why did they had poor fathers?

Tom Corbett always stands and puts hand on heart for the national anthem. Space Cadets must honor the flag, every day, 24/7.

But Tom Corbett was a good man. Like me. He fought all the aliens. I could have but I had bone spurs. Huge bone spurs. Huger bone spurs than Tom Corbett or anyone.

We need now more Tom Corbetts Space Cadets. We should have Space Cadet Academy, like West Point Annapolis. Let’s call it Tom Corbett Space Force Academy. Or Me and Tom Corbett Space Force Academy. So all those alien rapists know that we’re strong, especially if I get the Nobel Prize for Space. Then they’ll think twice about infesting us.

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