WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – All branches of the US government have denounced the recent proposal from North Korea for a “balanced reduction of the nuclear threat”.
The proposal from Pyongyang, announced last week as the latest manifestation of Kim Thiz Won’s Thought, called for “a mutual and equal reduction of the threat to each side.”
The North Korean document said that the country’s government was willing to “agree to a limit on nuclear weapons identical to the maximum held by any of Israel, India, or Pakistan, three other non-signatories” of the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.
Alternatively, the Pyongyang document proposed, the United States and North Korea could agree to keep equal numbers of nuclear weapons within striking distance of each other. The document suggested that this number should be zero, “but we are willing to consider any other number preferred by the US side.”
Congress was unanimous in rejecting the “absurd” North Korean proposal, the only differences being in the degree of apoplexy, which ranged from moderately severe to extreme. In the Senate, the Chief Tweedles, Senators Much McCoalface and Harvey Pooka, said there was “no chance” of assembling the 60 votes needed to pass such an agreement, or anything else more controversial than a promise not to amend some trade bill that was still secret and that they wouldn’t have studied even if they had been allowed to.
The House of Rumpelstiltskins was equally dismissive of the North Korean idea. Speaker John “Stone Age” Bomber and Minority Leader Natty Petunia agreed that consideration of the proposal could easily be put off until after next week’s lunch meeting and/or the 2016 elections.
Slightly more diplomatically, the White House responded: “We are committed by the Non-Proliferation Treaty to negotiate an end to nuclear weapons. So, clearly, to disarm before we have engaged in these essential negotiations would be a violation of the NPT.”
At a press conference shortly thereafter, the President elaborated: “You know, if we’re going to negotiate with other folks about junking the bombs, well, of course we have to have some or we have nothing to negotiate about.”
The Supreme Court, in response to an application from the Veterans of Future Wars, issued an injunction saying that the North Korean government was not allowed to do anything that was not funded by a Super PAC.