Senate endorses President’s choice of CIA head

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – President Ronald Dump’s nominee to head the CIA has been confirmed by a vote of the Senate, despite some Senators’ mildly expressed concerns about torture, destruction of evidence, violation of court orders and other minor mistakes.

Opponents of Joy-Lee Hacksaw’s nomination to head the Continuous Interrogation Agency pointed out that she previously was head of CIA torture stations in Bangkok and other locations, nearly all of which had been classified just in case there were any leftover bits of information that she hadn’t already destroyed.

To these objections, the White House replied, “So what?”, an argument that a sufficient number of Democratic Senators found persuasive.

Hacksaw is the first woman to head the CIA, a fact that the White House has emphasized. Asked why it had taken so long for a woman to rise through the CIA ranks, White House Press Secretary Sarah Wannabe Slanders said that it had been hard for women to rise on a career path such as interrogations, “because male agents tended to monopolize the fun parts.”

During her interrogation by the Senate Rubberstamp Committee (conducted without the assistance of waterboarding, threats of violence to relatives or sleep deprivation), Hacksaw stated that she “would refuse to undertake any proposed activity that was contrary to my moral and ethical values.”

Pushed for more details on these values, Hacksaw replied that she had classified them as top secret, but did say that they included not disobeying the boss. She added that she, personally, would not torture members of Congress who vote as they should.

Hacksaw’s testimony to the committee had been slightly disrupted by a protester in the balcony, whose words Hacksaw may have mistaken for a question from one of the Senators.

“Where is your shame?” the protester shouted.

“We don’t have it in custody yet,” Hacksaw replied. “But when we do, don’t worry. It won’t resist enhanced interrogation for long.”