Another judicial leak

Afternoon naps in the conservatives’ chambers were suddenly interrupted by Sammy Altarboy. “Hey, guys, I’ve just been skimming the Constitution, and guess what.”

Brash Cattlecar looked up from his laptop, after carefully closing the lid. “It doesn’t mention abortion. You already told us that. And it’s what they told us at the Feudalist Society.”

“But that’s not all,” Altarboy replied.

“Isn’t that enough?” asked Angelica Cunning Rabbit. “People are always carrying on about what’s in that silly document, when they ought to be listening to their husband read the Bible.”

“I agree,” said Neo Notmuch. “While it’s certainly sound to look back to what was written two centuries ago, the Bible is ten times as old, and so is worthy of ten times as much consideration.”

“Wait, wait,” Altarboy insisted. “There’s more, or I mean, less.”

“It doesn’t say anything about pornography?” asked Cattlecar. “Or attempted rape?”

“I’ll bet it doesn’t,” said Rabbit.

“You’re right!” exclaimed Altarboy.

“Don’t think there’s anything about labor unions,” ventured Notmuch.

“Or fags or dykes,” added Cattlecar.

“You’re right, but it’s even better than that,” said Altarboy. “It doesn’t have so much as a word about the 21st century!”

There was a moment of sustained silence as they all took in the implications of Altarboy’s discovery. Then he spelled it out: “We can repeal the entire century if we like. And we don’t even have to call it ‘judicial activism.’ We can call it ‘judicial conservatism,’ or ‘preserving the Constitution.’”

Clearance Textism interjected, “I’ll vote for that. For now: I’ll let you know if Carolina approves.”

Beaming, Altarboy turned to the only person in the room who hadn’t yet spoken. “What do you think? You’re the boss, sort of, although we already have a majority.”

“I’m with you in spirit,” responded Joint Waffle Jr. “But you have to be careful, because the Constitution also doesn’t mention the 20th century, and there are parts of it, including our own decisions, we certainly don’t want to junk – just think of World War II and the Japanese concentration camps, for example. So don’t get carried away; let’s go just one step at a time.”

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