3 Governments defend new military pact

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – In what some analysts are calling “the biggest move for international peace and security since the Stalin-Hitler pact,” the US, UK, and Australia have formed a new defense alliance among the three countries.

Since those countries were already allied in various ways, the governments were asked what was “new” about the pact, aside from its name, Auktopus. For a start, explained a spokesperson for the British Foreign Secretary, the agreement “most definitely does not include France or the European Union, especially France. Prime Minister Bro Jejune insisted on that.”

A source in the State Department said that President Joe Notrump and Secretary of State Wynkin Blinkered “have nothing against France. But their job is to look after American companies, whether they are making submarines or intercontinental missiles.

“Also, there is considerable advantage in a pact that doesn’t include NETO [Nearly Everywhere Treaty Organization]. NETO involves 30 countries – at latest count, and it may be cloning more as we speak. With that large a group, it’s almost inevitable that one or more of them will have governments that find it politically inconvenient when we want them to support us invading somewhere. And if they say so openly, it creates bad publicity for us. Too much of that could threaten public support for our wars.”

On another controversial aspect of Auktopus, Australian Prime Minister Dunder Fella has responded to Chinese charges that the pact is intended to create a new cold war. “That’s ridiculous,” he said. “We wouldn’t be buying submarines – from anyone – if we didn’t intend to use them. So you don’t need to worry about a cold war. That would be a waste of taxpayers’ money.”

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